Short?? I don't think so. My binging has lasted months now, and it's all starting to show. I am very tired of all this drama. I don't need it. I don't deserve it. I can't believe I've let it get this far that I'm thinking about food 24/7 and binging all the time. When I'm at school, I think about all that I'm going to have when I get home. When I get home, I make sure I'm discreet if someone's in the house, and I pig out until they leave, then I BINGE. But lately, binges are becoming larger and larger for me to actually consider them binges. For example, yesterday, I had lots of peanut butter, chips, and bread. Hey, it wasn't good, but I didn't consider it a binge. I want to call it an episode of overeating.
Today, however, was a binge. It was my last day of real school (I have exams for the next few weeks on and off), and I just wanted to relief some stress. I've also been lonely because my aunt is gone, and will be for 2-3 more weeks. It really sucks when she's not here, because I want to talk to someone, and boys aren't chatty.
I don't know how much longer I can keep fooling myself. Tomorrow is a new day, but is it really new when I've already been through it over and over again? I'm not going to wake up one day and be magically motivated to stick to not eating for weeks until I reach my goal weight. WHY IS WEIGHT SO IMPORTANT TO ME? Why couldn't I have gotten myself addicted to something else, like exercise or gum? That way, I could still be skinny.
I'm going to try very hard tomorrow to not binge. I'm going to get through one day at a time, and I'm telling myself it will get easier.
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