Update

I'm sitting in my room, with the music going, and trying to forget everything that's happened today. Where to start...

So I set my alarm clock for 7:00 am last night, so I could wake up early and get a workout in before I went to work. Well, 7:00 came around, and my alarm went off, but I was so tired, and I turned it off. I thought I set it again for 8:30, but apparently I didn't because before I knew it, I woke up and it was 8:58 and I had to leave at 9 for work. I was so stressed out. I jumped out of bed, called my ride and told them i was coming, and put anything on. I ran downstairs and out the door. I barely made it on time, and looked awful. But I made it! haha. At work, I got ridiculously hungry, and I bought a salad and a bag of chips :( I normally would've brought like 200 calories to have, but I didn't have time for that. I felt really bad for eating that, and knew I was going to binge when I got home. I did. At first, I had a jelly and almond butter sandwich. Then, that turned into mini donuts, and cookies. Then I had some chocolate and cereal. Then, as if all hat wasn't enough, I snuck out of the house and went to the store. I bought chips, and 2 muffins. I ate them all. I told myself that was all I was going to have, but at 9:00, I caved and had a big-ass bowl of pasta with cheese. BUT.... now it's over. I'm just sick and tired of this all. I don't want to binge ever again, but no one who doesn't have an eating disorder knows what it's like to need to binge. I would imagine what it's like for heroin addict in withdrawl. I've never been a drug addict, and never will be, but the feeling is that intense. Food is my drug. I'm not going to tell you all now, that I'm never going to binge again. The fact is, that I probably will. But, I'm going to try my damn hardest to not binge. And if I do, I'm going to get past it, and not beat myself up. Starting tomorrow, I'm limiting myself to 900 calories or less until I reach my goal weight of 112 lbs.

*the above photo was me at the beach, when i started to gain all this weight.